Love is a crazy game. We believe that it is something we need so desperately maybe because of patriarchal doctrine, or being raised with disney movies, or maybe we are like penguins who mate for life and if we don't we've somehow failed at being human. The myths are long and deep. The fact is that you actually don’t need anyone to complete you, and your journey on this planet is a solitary one meaning that your growth, the ascension of your spirit, and your ability to integrate and know thyself is your journey and no one else's. Love takes hold to further this process but it should enhance your life like frosting on an already delicious cake. Love is a frequency not a reward or a thing we can hold in our hands. It exists all around you at all times, and only when you choose to recognize it, can it be poured over you. That's not to say that true love or romantic love isn't real because it is, and something that I personally believe in very much, but the idealized fantasy that most humans have around it is something that I think needs to be looked at. Living in a state of lack is an incredibly damaging and oppressive mind frame to be in and will thwart your will to move forward and create, which is a crying shame.
Often our attachments to first loves, old love or experiences with unrequited love can be the hardest to release because both the trauma of not being held or wanted, coupled with societies heteronormative ideals, is imprinted in our subconscious. Unfortunately scars stay on your skin forever but kisses to not. Here is a small ritual that can make the scar more faint so that it becomes a badge of honor that brings better kisses, and not a handicap.
For this ritual you will need: A blade that has been plunged into the earth for some time, and some water to cast your circle. Doing this ritual on a Tuesday (mars day) night on a waning moon cycle is an ideal time to cut, but whenever you are guided to do it you should. A small black candle sprinkled with rosemary and/or bonoset will be effective in this ritual for their watery and deeply cleansing properties however it is not mandatory as any candle or herb works with intention.
Cast your circle by sprinkling water in a clockwise direction around you. This is your magical circle of containment where spirit is amplified (like putting a speaker in a bowl amplifies its sound) Try and darken the room or do this at night.
Sit comfortably within your circle facing east with your blade and your candle before you. East is the direction of air and wisdom, the place of the gods of truth, and sitting this way puts you in alignment with the magnetic frequency of the rising sun. Light your candle with a match in your right hand (active/masculine) and the striking surface in your left (receptive/feminine.) Join both together and create the divine spark (life) to light your candle. Close your eyes and turn your head from left to right while breathing in through your nose and holding a positive or negative memory about the person with whom you are connected. Exhale through your mouth (the wind of your breath passing over the over the flame) while turning your head from right to left symbolically releasing that memory to spirit . Continue breathing in this way for as long as it takes with as many memories that come up for you. The longer you can hold this breathing meditation while inhaling turning your head right to left, and exhaling left to right, the better. When you feel finished, face your head center and return your breathing to normal and with your eyes still closed, take your blade and hold it in front of your heart and imagine you are slicing a cord of light that binds you to this person. Place the blade in front of your candle and allow it to burn down completely taking note of any burning patterns or wax that the candle exudes. You may exit the circle and bathe in more rosemary or boneset and go about your evening, Once the candle is burned down and has self extinguished, close your circle by sprinkling water counter clockwise around you affirming that the cord is cut the circle is closed and this working is complete. Bury the remnants of your candle deep into the earth and stab your blade on the mound like a tomb, exclaiming aloud (I return this cord to the earth with harm to no one, and so it is!)
Your energy should feel more lifted and free. You may remove the blade from the earth and use it for other magical purposes.
Please write me with any results or insights that come to you by doing this ritual. I love hearing from you!